The Importance of Gay Age

As a gay man, approaching my thirties, and trying to find my husband there was something that I began to realize in other gay men: the importance of gay age.

When you are in your teens and early twenties dating has a youthful hope to it.

You are still maturing and have college, career, and, hopefully, Cupid’s arrow to look forward to. You are more forgiving of your boyfriend/girlfriend’s immaturities because you are planning to grow with him/her. As you get older, discover who you are, what you like, and what you are looking for in a partner, you lose that patience for someone to grow or change.

Now imagine that for a larger majority of your life or even through these educational, experiential, and emotional years you felt you had to hide a part of who you are.

That is the story for many gay men. Not all are as brave as the teenagers who stand up to bullying and admit who they are without apology at an early age. My hat goes off to those brave, gay youth.

Now, I know there is more to a person than being gay or straight; however, one’s sexuality plays a huge role in life. It influences a lot of who we are and the decisions we make. One of my closest friends would argue that every decision a straight male makes in life is to help accomplish one goal…to get to the vagina of his choice.

Now imagine you are in your thirties and for the first time you are coming out to all the people in your life; for the first time you are accepting who you are.

With that sudden weight off your shoulders, (at least that’s what coming out felt like to me) you are finally free to be exactly who you are. Discover who that you really is.

My hat goes off to you too, as coming out is not as easy as it should be, no matter what your age.

No matter how much you think you know who you are, you are about to discover how much of yourself you need to now learn, and that is how you calculate your gay age.

Your gay age is equal to the number of years you have been out.

I came out at 18 years old and am now 33, so my gay age is 15.

I have found that trying to date men with a gay age between months to 3 years is a challenge. They have so much to learn about themselves as a gay man. Self-discovery is a great thing, and we all should strive to continue to learn and grow throughout life.

While dating a “young gay,” I can’t deny the fact that I continue to grow, as well and may not be equipped to help someone through their self-discovery phase.

I did that in my late teens and early twenties, and trust me I did a lot of growing during that time. “Operation: Butch Joe Up” and “Operation: Joe Grow the Fuck Up” were real personal improvement plans I set for myself in my twenties. Now in my thirties I know who I am, what strengths I bring to the table and what weaknesses I have.

I know what I like, what I’m looking for in a partner, and so to try and date someone who is still figuring this out is complicated.

Wouldn’t you prefer to date someone who is confident with who they are and what they want?

I encourage everyone to believe in who they are, be honest, and surround yourself with people who love you for who you are. This way when diving into a partnership with someone, you come to the table as equipped as possible.

So tell me, do you agree with the importance of gay age or do you think I’m totally off my rocker?

Who talks about it? We talk about it–now…and you should, too!